Smell the Onion

Here is most of what I wrote in response to a blog I read that compared the discipline we receive from God to spankings given to children. I figure it’s worth posting, maybe.

I was raised in a spanking household, by two fantastic, godly parents. I have a very close relationship with them now, and do not feel irreparably damaged by the spankings I received in their home. We agree that striking a child with anger in our hearts is a sin, and we agree that our job as parents is to point our children to Christ. We agree that discipline is *vital* to parenting as God calls us to parent. My ultimate goal, of course, is to have children that have a genuine love for Christ and a heart that desires above all to please him.

Here is where we disagree: The primary expression of discipline is *instruction,* not punishment. I believe that God created my children with the ability to accept my instruction *without* being punished. We know this is true in the case of understanding academic principles– no one would suggest we strike a child who is not picking up on the multiplication tables fast enough, and in the same way, I will not strike a child who is still learning to trust my God-given authority as their parent.

I am not arguing that spanking is not *effective.* In many cases, it is much more expedient than waiting for a child to internalize a value or rule. But in that capacity, *after* you have rectified the behavior, you are *still* left with the job of instructing– of helping the child move from being externally motivated to internally. I do not believe that spanking changes hearts. That is the business of the Holy Spirit.

To be honest, I feel like using the proverbs to support spanking is shaky theology, at best. In many places in scripture the rod is referred to as an instrument to guide and comfort (such as a shepherd’s staff, which was clearly not used to beat the sheep), or a means of protection (as the staff a king would extend to those who approached him to save them from death.) If the rod mentioned here does mean an implement of physical punishment, then the picture here is one of striking a child older than 5 (according to the hebrew word used)– with a very large stick– which is not the practice generally defended by this verse. The rod is undeniably a Hebrew and Biblical symbol of authority, and I absolutely do not withhold my authority from my children. I simply believe that exercising authority and inflicting pain are not inextricably linked.

I am not suggesting that our only parental responsibility is to be friends with our children or to “speak nicely” to them. I am suggesting that the commonly accepted practice of spanking is not, in fact, addressed in the bible, and that it is not the best, only, or required method of exercising our God given authority in the lives of our children.