I seem to be dialoguing with a lot of people recently about my “alternative” parenting choices. This week it was the common practice of teaching a child to sleep through the night by not going to them when they cry– or the “cry it out” method. So. For posterity, here’s my two cents.
We’re clearly coming at this from two different directions, so you can take this for what it’s worth. It was never a goal of mine to have my infants sleep through the night. I figure that crying is the only method of communication that they have and that if they’re crying (even if they’re not “supposed” to be hungry) that they need me for something. I believe that our instincts are God given, and that they’re generally a pretty good guide. I know that it is hard for you to go against your instincts, so I want to be one voice telling you it is okay to listen to them.
I believe that a baby’s cries should always be honored. I decided when my oldest was months old that I’d rather have memories of parenting her back to sleep (which are precious) than the emotional turmoil (for both of us) that it would take to teach her that I will not respond to her cries when it is dark. She is 5 now, and she goes to bed and falls asleep by herself.
I have found that society’s timetable for when my child *should* be able to do something doesn’t fit each individual child. All neurotypical children will learn to fall asleep on their own, just like they will learn to use the toilet, walk, talk, wean, and be without parents for church services or overnight. Sometimes you can force the issue, but generally it causes emotional distress for parent and child, and in my experience it isn’t worth it to speed something up that would happen naturally on its own if given enough time. You’re not dealing with a *problem.* A 5 month old not sleeping through the night is the epitome of typical.
