November 2010

On the occasion of the first snow…(which was last week)

Not only the Eskimos

by Lisel Mueller

We have only one noun

but as many different kinds:

the grainy snow of the Puritans

and snow of soft, fat flakes,

guerrilla snow, which comes in the night

and changes the world by morning,

rabbinical snow, a permanent skullcap

on the highest mountains,

snow that blows in like the Lone Ranger,

riding hard from out of the West,

surreal snow in the Dakotas,

when you can’t find your house, your street,

though you are not in a dream

or a science-fiction movie,

snow that tastes good to the sun

when it licks black tree limbs,

leaving us only one white stripe,

a replica of a skunk,

unbelievable snows:

the blizzard that strikes on the tenth of April,

the false snow before Indian summer,

the Big Snow on Mozart’s birthday,

when Chicago became the Elysian Fields

and strangers spoke to each other,

paper snow, cut and taped,

to the inside of grade-school windows,

in an old tale, the snow

that covers a nest of strawberries,

small hearts, ripe and sweet,

the special snow that goes with Christmas,

whether it falls or not,

the Russian snow we remember

along with the warmth and smell of furs,

though we have never traveled

to Russia or worn furs,

Villon’s snows of yesteryear,

lost with ladies gone out like matches,

the snow in Joyce’s “The Dead,”

the silent, secret snow

in a story by Conrad Aiken,

which is the snow of first love,

the snowfall between the child

and the spacewoman on TV,

snow as idea of whiteness,

as in snowdrop, snow goose, snowball bush,

the snow that puts stars in your hair,

and your hair, which has turned to snow,

the snow Elinor Wylie walked in

in velvet shoes,

the snow before her footprints

and the snow after,

the snow in the back of our heads,

whiter than white, which has to do

with childhood again each year. — Lisel Mueller

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Some days..

when the lunch that I barely managed calcifies on the counter

next to the leftover french toast that ages where it sits,

while the children throw things down the stairs

and at each other,

and I flash angrily at each compounded affront to order

and peace

and my authority,

when each effort to carry on until bedtime extracts more from the marrow

of my bones than I have left to give,

I despair of raising functional adults with minimal baggage,

and I know that I have failed–

the future stretches out blearily before me

full of too many lunches of hot dogs and macaroni

incessant television

cavities

chaos

and the living room floor eternally covered in couch cushions.

But then, barely audible in the recesses of my over-taxed mind I hear

“this is a season”

and it is

and I know, down in my weary bones that I am equal to this task of wrangling these three beautiful souls into civilized adulthood, and some day they will chuckle to their therapists and say “there was a lot of macaroni and cheese, and sometimes I thought she might actually pull her own hair out, but I always knew my mom loved me.”

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